Resolutions

How many people make new years resolutions? When I ask my friends, family, and coworkers if they are making them only a small fraction say yes. Most say they don’t bother, because they don’t keep them anyway. I think I make them every year. But like most who do make them, I forget about them early on and don’t follow through.

This is a time of renewal for me though. So perhaps this is the BEST year for making resolutions. I want to be a better me, and that doesn’t just happen by itself. So plans must be made and reviewed occasionally so I keep on track.

As I sort out the list of places I want to improve myself it seems that I have created categories. Generically they are Public, Professional, and Personal.

Public goals are the kind of goals that I could use encouragement and participation from friends and family. They are, or will be, shared. One of these goals is to get the Ties That Bind Cookbook updated. Another is weight loss (as usual). I joined Weight Watchers again a couple months ago and I’m still going to gym (or still paying for it anyway). I’m planning to do Nano2013 and would like to have an outline drafted in time to make November an easy writing month this year.

Professional goals are work related. I have some projects coming up in 2013 and I want to tackle them with the attention they deserve. I want to improve the annual reports that I publish this year and I have some ideas how to do that. And I plan to take some of the courses that are offered to me through the company.

Personal goals are just that. I have a few changes to myself that I need to make to be a better friend and a better person. I don’t need or want encouragement for these and will keep track of my progress in private if at all.

The list of goals for the year is significant. And I know that to succeed I have to make the goals smart ones and not jump in with two feet in January. Being overwhelmed with change is a sure way to fail. I’m not necessarily easing into it, but I don’t want to get overwhelmed and burned out right away

How about you? Are you making resolutions?

Third Generation Band Geek

Pete had his first band concert.  It sounded like a bunch of 6th graders playing their instruments all at once.  It was GREAT!  It made me so happy to see him there.  He has worked hard and practices, the minimum amount at least, each week.  He seemed very confident and happy. 

I was a band geek too.  In fact the director you see in the picture was MY teacher as well.  His father was band geek (percussion).  His Nana was a band geek (trombone), and his Oma was a band geek (Violin?  I'm going to have to double check.  I should know and it will hit me when I find out for sure).  I made some lifelong friends in band.  We shared a lot of experiences and I hope that Pete gets a similar experience. 

Pete picked out his new clothes to wear to the concert.  I tried my hardest to steer him away from purple.  But the kid has a mind of his own and the more you tell him to do one thing, the more he wants to do the other.  I don't know where he gets that.  He looked very handsome in his purple shirt and I'm a little ashamed I tried to talk him out of it.  It suits him.  :)

In other news:  This is the scene I walked in on when I picked Repete up yesterday.  He is reading a book to the little kids in his after school program.  He wasn't finished reading when I got there so I sat down next to the boys whose hand is up (Repete hadn't shown the pictures on every page and the boy wanted to see them).  He did a lovely job reading and it made me happy to come in to see it.

 

 

 

I'm going to take a break from the internet for a while I think.  Not long.  Perhaps just through the end of the year.  But I am flooded with news from Connecticut and the stories of the short lives of everyone there.  Then all the arguments from everyone online about placing blame.  People aren't being nice to each other because of the opinions that they have about gun control, mental illness, and other politics.  And it's too overwhelming to me.   I need a break from it.  If you know me at all you will know that this is a big undertaking for me.  I constantly check facebook and read the news and various blogs.  Every day, all day.  I'm counting blessings that I can actually disconnect from it all.  So many people are directly involved and feel the pain up close.  It feels a little cowardly to remove myself from it all, but I think it's better for my own mental health.

 

Merry Christmas everyone.   Let us all hope that 2013 is better than 2012.  This year was no walk in the park.

Be SOMEONE

I know I'm not alone when I say that my heart is breaking for the families of every teacher and student in Newtown.  Since I read the breaking news reports on Friday and through the weekend when names and ages of victims have been released and details of the tragedy have emerged, i have had so many moments where I am overwhelmed with the finality that those families and friends are facing.

Repete is the same age as the oldest children in that school.  He is just an innocent baby still, and all the child victims were younger than him.  He has not been on this earth long enough to have peers who have been murdered (none of us have actually).  Pete isn't much older than those kids.  There were not 27 victims in that crime. There are over 400 children in that school. Children who witnessed terrible things and were afraid.  Children who lost friends and mentors. Mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers.  And a nation, even a world that grieves for them all.   

Neither of my boys can comprehend what has happened.  I struggled with how to talk to them about it, but Repete asked about it in the car on the way home from school.  His teacher had talked a little about it and he had concerns.  The three of us mourned the lost children and teachers together.  I held my babies tight (Pete maybe thought I hugged a little to much, but I didn't want to let them go at all).  I told them that I was sure hopeful that every mom and dad had told their kids "I love you" when they went to school.  I never miss it. Even when Repete is having a grumpy morning (he is so not a morning person sometimes) we still take the time to hug each other and say "I love you" when I drop him off.  And Pete gets the same thing before he heads for the bus. I know that my last words to them every single day are positive and they KNOW they are loved (this hit hard when my dad had his accident as well, you never ever know what will happen.  It sounds a little morbid, but it's true).

I wanted to leave work and take my kids from school on Friday. I resisted. My friend is a secretary at the middle school.  She said only one parent came to get their child. But there were several calls regarding questions about lockdown drills.  It occurred to me that my friend had a very dangerous job.  

I'm a little concerned about copy cats now.  How many people watched the news and saw how much notoriety the murderer has received and think it was a good idea?  Unfortunately, I think it's probably more than just a few. 

 Someone pointed out that we all know the names of the Columbine killers and the Colorado theater shooter, but how many of us know the names of some of their victims?  I can't think of a single victims name (I might know one or two if I heard them, but I can't come up with them on my own). 

This tragedy hits home because it was children. But it's no different than the mall shooter in Oregon or the theater in Colorado.  And it will come to light that the bad man is mentally ill and 'someone' should have seen it coming and done something.  I think it's unfortunate that this will spur more gun control movements. While I have reservations about the kind of gun used and its necessity for average people, I still don't believe it was the fault of the weapon.  In the hands of anyone else we'd have no story today.  What this should spur, rather than gun control, is talk and action on really helping people. And raising children properly so they know right from wrong and reality from video games.  It matters NOW, we should not wait until they are 'older' to teach them.  We are all *someone*, it's up to all of us.  

I am already worn out from mourning with and for the families in CT.  I can not imagine how they are feeling themselves.  I wish there was something that I could do to bring them all peace. The best I can do is to carry on and teach my own children right now.  It's not nearly enough. 

Holidays

I have always been known to have a great love of the holidays.  Always.  And to me it isn't about the religious aspect of the season or the gift giving.  It's just a season of renewal and a time that should be happy.  It isn't even just Christmas.  Very generally it starts around Thanksgiving, goes through Christmas, and ends some time after the new year begins.
My parents are wonderful!  They instilled these good feelings from the beginning.  I am very lucky.

I've been worried about the holidays this year.  This is the first year that we are celebrating with two households instead of one.  And I've been concerned.  This first year we are still getting our footing and figuring out the rolls that we all play.  Every event seems to be a new thing and we don't know what to expect.  A few months ago I was seriously considering making it a very laid back holiday and not even really decorating much.  The shelf and furniture that I used to put the nutcrackers out on are gone and the house is rearranged and it was tempting to just put up a tree and keep the holiday small. 

The kids spent Thanksgiving with their dad this year.  Their grandmother is visiting and they had several people come over.  Their dad is a fantastic cook and I'm sure that he went all out for the holiday.  I think it's one of his favorites to cook for.  I spent a little time missing them and feeling sorry for myself because I wasn't with the boys for the holiday.  But then I remembered the point and counted out the things I was thankful for.  One of those things is that the boys have two parents who love them very much and are able to get along and do whats best for the boys.  And then suddenly I was glad that they were there with a big traditional meal and gathering.  I had a wonderful time with my parents, aunt and uncle, grandpa, and family friend having a very non-traditional thanksgiving (no turkey!  yeah! One more thing to be thankful for). 

I went home after Thanksgiving dinner and got out the Christmas boxes.  I blasted Christmas music while I moved furniture and cleared the minerals out of the curio so I could fill it with nutcrackers.  I hung ornaments in the windows and got out the festive table cloths.  I put tinsel streamers in the doors of each boys bedroom. I decorated "Clementine style".  And I looked forward to the boys coming home to see the happiness.  I got so into the season that long weekend that I even cooked.  Yep, *I* cooked.  I used to make chocolates at Christmas.  They come from family recipes that my mom made for use when we were kids.  But over the years I've stopped making them.  My sister keeps us supplied, she enjoys it more than I do.  And several people at my office make caramels and chocolates.  I had no need to do it anymore.  This year I found recipes for citrus candies.  And I have made several batches.  They are wonderful, different, and totally me.   So the only things I haven't done are to put up the outside lights and the Christmas tree.  And those are both things I thought the boys would want to be part of.  We will do it this coming weekend I am sure.

I'm still a little nervous about how Christmas day will go and what becomes of the traditions we had made as a family.  But I know that it's going to be great.  It will work out just the way it is supposed to.  I've started dialog with the boys about what they are expecting and I'm getting an idea of the traditions that they find most important.  And I'm finding that even the kids don't find gifts the most important thing of the season (they need not worry about gifts anyway.  I think Santa has them on his good list). 

And now I'm looking forward to the New Year.  I usually am.  It feels like a time of renewal. Even though a person can make resolutions any time of the year, somehow it seems important to set some goals at the beginning of the new year.  I have no plans for ringing in the new year anymore.  I think that maybe this is a year I should not make any.  I might get to ring in the new year with the boys.  And that would be a great start to 2013.